ODE TO LOVING

All relationships face rupture.

I only just began to believe in the repair.

That we did not have to just leave things there.

I have had many ruptures within my heart.

When we rupture that is where we only begin to start.

Over and over again the repairing that only actions can mend.

I do not have to pretend that everything is okay.

We are beyond the game of just laughing things off.

I laughed things off that internally crushed me.

I do not have to choose to practice pride.

I do not have to actively hide what has always been on the inside.

The child within has screamed and shouted from the rooftops begging for crumb.

When they were never fed I chose to become numb.

That child is alive again but back to the repairing…

The child acts out & everyone is staring.

When they are only beginning to be able to feel again for the first time in a long time.

Feelings felt like the strangers you left behind but they are all in the same room.

Saying the same thing and that is that you are too much.

You are feeling too much and you do too much.

The world becomes this place where you felt like you did not belong.

Then this person comes along and makes you believe in the miracle.

That you could figure out that you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

Free from the world you left behind.

Ready to step beyond the shoreline into an ocean of emotions that will set you free.

The freedom of being able to express even the slightest of things.

Becoming a unit or even a team of consistency and understanding.

Maybe?

That’s what we needed all along to be seen and consistently understood?

To be free of being just bad or good.

Losing myself and finding that child again.

That just wanted to practice accepting and to be accepted.

I accepted a lot and maybe that was just too much for little me?

I then messed around and got rejected.

Yet, I am grateful for being dismissed and kicked while down.

I was on the ground for a while praying for someone to just reach out.

When no one came that is when I really found out…

You can only save yourself and just be the living proof that it can be done.

I became a person who would have protected me.

In the end I had always won.