STEPPING ON SHADOWS
There is this quote that says:
“Turn your face towards the sun & your shadows fall behind you.”
I have found comfort in the shadows for quite some time.
The heat on the back that aches can be quite the ailment to these hard nights…
Days…
My shadow is the longest in the early morning where I anticipate the the hours to come.
At is the longest in the early evening where every failure of the day gives way.
I remember…
The day when you stepped on my shadow.
Briefly I was afraid it would swallow you too.
It was then I followed your face and turned around for what felt like the first time in a decade.
The beams of light so bright illuminated the concrete fact that my shadows were indeed behind me.
I reflect on that moment on a cloudy day.
Where there is no sun.
When shadows so clearly call out my name.
When the rain fall reaches for me.
Where even lightning seems to strike me down.
I can hear the darkness like thunder closely behind.
You are the duvet I wrap myself in…
On those cold days.
If I looked up enough I suppose the sky would be gray?
My feet have only caught my eye for the longest time.
Watching every step like I knew I would have to step down the stairs eventually…
To meet my inner hell that is my psyche.
“Just do it.”
Felt like bad advice for someone that wanted to die.
At the time.
Yet… Here I am.
In the rain.
You can not see me cry.
You certainly can feel my pain when you look my way.
My shadow just has to be made up of shadows upon shadows.
At this point it is gigantic.
To put it as my mom would say…
“Pacifically.”
A humble sort of history.
Although I swear my love is as deep as the Atlantic.
At times I was just drowning in it.
Over you.
For you even.
You became the reason…
I would not have just cut corners or raced along avenue’s to walk in your light again and again.
A more courageous…
Me?
Forever though, that is what I could have easily done.
It was what I always intended to do.
From the moment…
I looked at you.
I know now exactly why it is so painful to lose me.
Also…
Why I lost me.
I’d rather be known as, “crazy.”
Than to be known for how much I loved…
The wrong people.
