FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

For quite some time…

I did not find much comfort in the letters…

G-O-D.

If there were a God they must’ve forgotten about me.

So, I disappeared like a faded memory.

Only to be tied down to a scent and let-it-be-blood.

I thought of my existence and was disgusted.

I thought my only purpose was to be lusted.

Never a soul that I fully trusted.

Of course, “They were only all out to get me.”

I hid under the rocks.

Beneath the dirt of my name.

For quite some time and I have myself to blame.

Shame doesn’t quite hit it hard enough.

Loathing myself would mean admitting having the thought of me.

Me.

Me?

To only be wanted and never loved you see.

I trudged that path and if you touched my soul you’d feel my wrath.

To love you and then despise you seemed to correlate.

You see I walked that tight rope between love & hate.

I just did not see myself living…

In the in-betweens.

So, I read into everything.

Studying the words of all the lips that swallowed who I used to be.

Never daring to accept the words of the ones that actually loved me.

My fault. Again.

It may seem that I may have ran away.

Ask yourself…

Was I given another choice?

Upon my journey I found something far deeper and larger than myself.

It was the purpose, the meaning of my life and to explain quite simply.

I am so much bigger than my voice.

To some this means nothing.

For me?

It means everything.