MOTHER KNOWS PESTS
Utter confusion in the disarray.
I the lonely child.
With only words I play.
Lack of character in the bottomless pit.
My God, the earth is just writhing with it.
So, I sit and write the words I muttered.
Take me back. Take me back.
To the silence. The stutter.
Treats everyone the same?
Yet, always staying othered.
Too light. Too dark.
Too dumb. Too smart.
Too sad? Too angry?
Too simple. Too complicated.
Just simply too fvcking loved.
I suppose they fvcking hated it.
Now they get to enjoy the distance.
That they have created.
Existence is said to be the only true art.
Authentically I sway…
While my existence is steadily picked apart.
People just love to tear people to shreds.
Then they smile in their in comfy beds.
I say go on. Go off.
Step on me to get ahead.
I have only come to this conclusion…
There actually is no confusion in my head.
The effort and energy.
All in or all out.
What was the resolution even about?
I sat and wondered at times why I was so hollow?
How that emptiness was always the hardest to swallow?
The crowd always gasped at what I would say…
Mouths opened only to catch flies.
I still held onto all the butterflies left in the cage.
I look ahead and that part of me still is not dead.
I would say all again and again…
LOUDER.
I said what I said.
Friends? What? Where? When?
The past means nothing.
There’s no time like now.
Come one. Come all.
To alienate the past like a cheating lover.
How long will it take until I am fully recovered?
I could be gone for years and still be relevant somehow?
I moved past all that sh!t but I won’t bow.
Even when the weight of the past grabs at my feet…
I’ll keep on pulling. Pulling. Pulling.
Until I break the strings.
Oh and…
In case anyone is still wondering?
I AM. I AM. I AM.
Grateful for life, yes.
All of it. Even the stress.
Loving the eustress when I think of you less.
I must confess though.
It did make me better…
There’s still wind in my lungs.
A heaviness in my chest.
I’ve been in Wilmington the longest…
I certainly know it best.
If you know you know…
Even the air here is heavy…
You will feel it wherever you go.
It snaps at your heels only to break you like a levy.
The finest at building upon buildings and no real personal growth.
Wipe it off your brow and take it…
If all you do is know.
Taking away every smile you can remember.
If you let it though.
Dam. Dam. Dam.
My God. My God.
Just why am I so blessed?
I speak my mind now.
I am no longer pressed.
Everything about me would most certainly have them stressed.
I do not fear any life.
I most certainly do not fear my death.
Everything about me may stay ripped and tattered?
Maybe?
My name smeared and lathered?
With all the sh!t that I once thought mattered.
I am here now and I will stay now.
YOU HEAR!?
Shout it on your highest hill.
Frequently on a frequency that every ego fears.
Even while I felt small…
Even when December still calls in the middle of the year.
What does that say about the current populous?
I see why they would want me to disappear.
Mother, mother you always knew what was best…
Mother, mother always knew who would become a pest.
I didn’t listen at the time.
This is what I get.
She sees you. She sees you.
And you and you and you.
I pray everyone gets everything they wish.
It could really happen.
Your company still would not be worth a piss.
In fact just piss on these words too.
Why don’t you?
Plenty of these establishments reek of it anyway my dude.
The tribe of pure white…
Positive vibes.
Yet are as violent as the puritan colonial cries.
Speak up. Kicked out. Your name.
Unalived.
Holding what is left.
Saving any sorted face.
Priding themselves on how quickly anyone can be replaced.
All while their noses are up like they own the place.
Wait. Wait. Wait. Hold on.
Maybe, they do?
The economy has plummeted and in their boredom they fume.
What left is there to do?
Just go ahead and pick at me because…
